It’s as simple as this…you ever watch something, a movie, a TV show, or maybe listen to a new song and you have this weird reaction on you. The kind where you walk around for days just thinking about it. Yeah, that happens to me a lot, but most recently from watching 13 Reason Why. 13 Reasons Why is a show on Netflix about a girl who committed suicide. Each episode reveals a tape she recorded, a reason why, a person why, a person who affected or led her to her death. Led her to feeling lonely, and bruised and excluded from everyone else. I watched this show this past weekend because at first it kind of was just some drama show. A little bit more than just a teen show, not like a CW or ABC Family type thing but it was a good show. It was enticing, it really grabbed my attention, and then I finished it.
And now I can’t help but think that this show has changed me. It affected me and kind of took a toll on me. When my nieces were younger and we would watch shows and movies together, I used ask them about the lesson. “What did you learn?” I would say because everything has a message, something you should learn from it. I would say the lesson here is that our actions affect people, actually no its not only that our actions affect people but everyone takes things differently, everyone has their own crap in their life.
Hannah Baker was the main character of this show and she was dealing with a lot. She was dealing with a lot of things that made her feel like her life was not worth living anymore. But then there were all these other characters dealing with a lot as well, and one can say that they didn’t take their lives and compare them to Hannah but their story was different. I paid a lot of attention to the fact that everyone has their own walk in life. My worst day ever is not the same as your worst day ever. You have been through shit I have not and vice versa. Hannah Baker is a character in show, a character originally from a book. She’s not real but there are real people dealing with more than they can handle at this very moment. Mentally, I have been where she’s been, I have felt like life was too hard to make it to the next day.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I don’t know what made me decide to watch this show on Netflix, but I believe that I was fated into doing so at this moment in my life. The things Hannah went through, I couldn’t imagine, I don’t know what I do if I had to walked a mile in her shoes. I just know that it was hard to watch. I kept wanting to believe this show had some happy ending and we would discover that she was alive in the end. But spoiler alert she isn’t. I connected Hannah because I remember a couple years ago when I was struggling in life. I felt alone, like I drowning. I remember telling my therapist that I felt as though I was standing in the middle of the street screaming as everyone drove right past me. I was ready to kill myself. I would spend weeks sitting in my closet, in my studio apartment because that was the only place where everything was pitch black. I wasn’t going to classes or seeing my best friend. I would barely eat and when I did it was only a box of pizza I had delivered earlier in the week. I was clinically depressed, and at the time I didn’t really know why. On an early Thursday morning I reached out for professional help as the last test of life and by night fall I found myself sleeping in hospital within the psych ward.
Now you maybe wondering why the hell am I telling you this because I kind of am too. But I know why. I found the help that I needed. Yeah it sucked to reach rock bottom, but now I am at a job that I really like. I have friends and family that I really love. And I am not where I want to be in life but I am finally on the right path, I am happy. And I found myself commuting to work this morning thinking, if I ended my life that day, I would not be here now. I know everyone has crap, you never what is going on in someone else’s life, so I do try to be spread love everyday even if that means smiling at a stranger or making sure I don’t yell at the customer service representative, I try. And yes, I am not perfect, I am nowhere near there. I am at least trying and I think you should too. I am definitely at the best place I have ever been in my life right now. And watching that show seeing Hannah and those other kids struggle I discovered that I needed that reminder of where I have been and how that felt. I think you should watch 13 Reasons Why, you don’t have to watch it all in one weekend like I did but you should watch it. I think we all need a reminder sometimes of how our actions affect people, of how we all react differently to certain things, and how we shouldn’t take chances in life for granted. I think if you are at low point in life that you should reach for help because you are worth it and so much more. I am grateful for every moment in my life because it has made me the woman I am today and that can never mean more to anyone than it does to me right now.
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 in the U.S. Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255 For more information visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org